January 2007 Archives

Carl had just lathered up the right side of his face when the phone rang. Wiping the shaving foam off his hands, he went to the living room to answer it before it went to voice mail.

“Hello?” he said and then cursed himself when he realized that he had instinctively brought the receiver to his usual ear, thus getting foam all over it.

“May I speak to Mr. Carl Lockwood?” asked the pleasant-sounding man on the line.

“Speaking,” Carl said, switching the phone to his left ear. “What do you want?”

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Hank Deanley. I’m the editor of Beards & Whiskers Magazine and I would like to speak to you about your beard.”

How to tell rhino animal cracker from bear animal cracker:

Nose: Rhino long, bear short
Ears: Rhino two, bear one
Feet: Rhino big, bear less big
Body: Same
Tail: Same
Mouth: Same
Horn: Same

Now you can draw rhino animal cracker and bear animal cracker.

Red pirate mannequin? On what filth-ridden vessel does ye sail?

Complicated and untrue explanations aside, Ed, my girlfriend Adriana, mystery Unloosen writer, a red mannequin, and I met in Chicago. Good times were had, photos were taken. Some of those photos required an eye patch. Click below for the evidence.

Given the infamous nature of Chicago's Superdawg, I'm pretty sure the hell's been completely photographed out of these two demonic wieners. But I have a penchant for anthropomorphic food stuffs so I don't care.