April 2005 Archives

I know that my 5 or 6 loyal readers are hoping for me to make a glorious return to Club 11 by blasting some piece of self important crap. Unfortunately, I have grown since the days of Pork Pony. Years of domestication have chilled my hostility, and I no longer subject myself to movies that I know will make me vengeful (I now have politics for that). As a result, I don’t see many movies.

Fortunately for Club 11 fans, I never watched most of the movies that I reviewed anyway. Do you really need to see Hope Floats to know that it sucks? Also, my tremendous ego is still alive and well. I continue to believe that all films should be tailored to my individual tastes.

In this instance, if you want me to enjoy a movie with characters that have supernatural powers, it needs to be either silly or foreign. Kung Fu Hustle mixes the two, and therefore touches me deeply. It has all of the ass kicking fun of the original Matrix movie with none of the sci-fi loser crap. It’s heavenly. It also gives new meaning to the term “palm maneuver.”

Those of you waiting to hear me go off on the flavor of the month will have to wait until the ripe summer season. On a scale of 1 to club11, Kung Fu Hustle receives a Club 11.

During a recent trip to Arizona, I took this photo in a small town called Jerome. Perched atop a mountain, Jerome's an old mining town that's been taken over by artists and hippies. It's a place where restoration, decay, and conservation seem to coexist. This picture shows a few dying buildings near the edge of the very steep mountain.

Three more stories added to the fiction archives: That Pen by Chris Leavens, Afternoon Skeletons by Tom Weaver, and My Name Is Not William, Part 2 by David Kendall, Jr.

"WHOA! Check it out! A history of the Chinese restaurant!"
"Awesome! That's awesome!"
"Check out that old menu! 'Bill-of-fare', HAHA!"
"Where is it?!?!"
"It's in the MUSEUM OF CHINESE IN THE AMERICAS!!"
"It's in New York. I COULD GO TO NEW YORK!"
"Where is it?! A link…."

"CLICK the LINK!"

"Whoa! It's the MUSEUM OF CHINESE IN THE AMERICAS!!"
"They call it MoCA!! That's just like MoMA!! They're both museums!!"
"I COULD GO THERE RIGHT NOW!! THINK…THINK…. I NEED TO MAKE A PLAN!!!"
"Where is it—ABOUT MOCA!!!!"
"70 Mulberry Street!"
"WHERE IS 70 MULBERRY STREET" "I NEED A MAP!!"
(pause)
"I NEED A MAP I NEED YAHOO! MAPS!"
"Let's see see Favorites, MY yahoo YAHOO! MAPS!!!!!"

"70 Mulberry Street IT'S IN NEW YORK it's in New York!"
"GO TO MAP!"
"THERE IT IS!" "I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!!"

"BACK UP!!"
"BACK UP AGAIN!!"
"It's right by CHINATOWN"
"I COULD GO TO CHINATOWN!!!"

"I COULD GO TO CHINA TOWN! GO TO TOWN IN CHINA TOWN! I'm ASIAN! I'm Asian"

This fat guy, wearing mauve Capri pants and a sombrero was chasing me on roller skates. I was on foot; he had the roller skates, just to clear things up. What made this weird, if not the idea of me being hunted by such a person was strange enough, was that we were traversing through patches of grass and up cement steps in an unfamiliar college campus-like setting. The fact that he was shirtless didn't bother me, somehow.

Here are some of the old Pork Pony articles I've recently added to the archives:

Fiction:
Pancakes by Tom Weaver
12 and 1 and I Have This Dream by Ed Darrin
My Name Is Not William, Part 1 by David Kendall, Jr.
Biscuit by Chris Leavens
Drinking Buddy by Tom Weaver

Non-Fiction:
Time and Punishment and A Slight Breeze in the Afternoon by Jason Kornblatt

Photos:
Jesus in PA: two great photos by Frog

Reviews:
Moulin Rouge and A Walk to Remember by Mike Wargo

I'm going through the Pork Pony archives and I'm trying to add things chronologically starting with the first PP entries and working my way up to the latest stuff. If you're waiting for a particular story or photo just let me know and I'll try to put it up sooner as opposed to later.

I changed the banner to accomadate the added categories. What do you guys think? Also, I think a white background might make the site look a little better (as opposed to the blue). Black looks pretty boss-hog, but it may look a little too "dark" (read: goth). Let me know what you think. Drop a comment.

After a hiatus that lasted a few years, Unloosen (formerly Pork Pony) is back. I've moved to the easier, more updateable and database-friendly Movable Type engine to make posting articles and maintaining the site easier on me. As those of you who were close to Pork Pony know, the maintenance of the site grew to be quite a strain on me and it became difficult for me to balance my full-time job with the rigorous update schedule I'd created for myself in the days of the double P.

I'll be adding old Pork Pony articles to the site in the coming days. Not everything will return, but most of the old stuff will be available. Feel free to comment on any of the articles or stories (you'll have to register to do so -- I don't want to deal with a bunch of anonymous, Ritalin-fueled 1337 speakers crashing my site).

In the coming weeks, I'll also be adding MP3 versions of many of the stories so you can take them with you on your iPod or similar portable device. Reading text from a screen can be straining, especially if the stories are long. I'll keep you posted on the progress Unloosen's audio department.

Thanks for dropping by,

Chris

Safety Day has been set for Thursday, the 21st of April. How will this affect production? Only Chuck Norris knows the answer.