Nearly eighteen years ago, I turned fourteen. As a birthday gift, Doctor Hot Lunch, a friend of mine since kindergarten, bestowed upon me the splendor that is Barbie Sticker Fun. Needless to say, the two of us defaced it post-haste. Ever wonder where or when my penchant for the absurd was born? Probably not, but here's proof that I've been a weirdo for a long time.
DISCLAIMER: some of this stuff could be considered offensive. It was all created in the spirit of mockery by fourteen-year-old boys. I hope you'll forgive us.
Click below to see the pages in all their glory.
In Thailand, this ladyboy may have been accepted and even lauded, but here in the US, things aren't so easy for those who like to pull the ol' switch-a-roo. Demon/dancer was to be the only life choice available, leading to a "best of both worlds" situation biologically and occupationally.
My steady-handed script is all over this one. "KKKen" is probably one of the funniest ideas I had at fourteen. Strange, the way these plastic white supremacists post notice of their rallies in dance studios. Mocking racists is fun.
27 dancing Roman senators agree: bowling is awesome.
I Papermate-penned the hell out of lady Ken's head.
I'd have to say that this is my favorite page. It's my favorite kind of bizarre. Is Barbie a chandelier or a mini slave waitress?
I would happily take credit for the misspelling of "biggot," but as has been proven on earlier pages, I wrote like a caveman when I was a youth. The proof is in the pudding, DHL. Strangely enough, Doctor Hot Lunch was a multi-year spelling bee winner in elementary school. He bested me in the first grade finals and I was crushed; I couldn't spell "cherries." Back to the subject of sticker fun, here, we reintroduce the "let's make fun of the Klan" theme. Note this white hood's cleats and hand-held flaming cross. I'm not sure what exactly we were going for here, but I've got a hunch it had something to do with the racists being morons. Picasso-face agrees.
Another favorite of mine. In case you can't decipher it, the can of soda reads, "Bean Soda." Again, it's my writing. I have no idea why I ever would have thought that was funny.
Aha! Proof positive that the morgue is run by Baathist pigs. This page was born amidst tensions between Papa Bush and the Middle East's favorite fascist, Saddam. I remember thinking of Bush senior as a pretty swell guy, but anyone who contains within themselves the material to spawn a creature like Dubya can only be considered sketchy at best.
Move along, nothing to see here (uploaded for completists).
In this portion of the operatic tragedy, Regal Duckman trifles with his new Duncan as one his fair concubines dances her final steps toward his ignorant embrace. DHL was enamored of the ninja turtles at the time, hence the sai in the belly of the dancer.
All credit for this, the final page, must be given to the Doctor. Ken is both a Joker-esque mafioso and a minion of the evil Shredder. Note the slash marks on the neck of his cardboard bride. Ick. A tad morbid, DHL, but a great end to twisted diversion.
Holy Freakin' Lord. This explains sooooooo much. Brilliant yet disturbing. FYI...I still have a copy of my "Dictionary O' Swear Words" that I keep with my Funk & Wagnalls.
Now this is what I call literature! You can keep your Mick Sweeney and your June Austen -- I'll take this. Call me a Philistine, but I crave relevance in what I read!
That having been said, my favourite is the one where the half-breed son of the Invisible Man and the Visible Woman is head-bowling on the set of Caligula.
My second favourite is the still from My Dinner With Shrubbery Head, mostly because you chose a still from the scandalous "European" release wherein she actually reads the entire Dictionary O' Swear Words out loud to her (surprisingly well cast) co-star, Vampyre George Michael.
I don't know what I was thinking at 14. I just think it's funny that in almost every picture, the subjects are either going to a "rally" or to the morgue.
M-O-R-G-U-E (I WAS a 4 time-elementary school Spelling Bee Champion - 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th grade. 2nd place in 4th grade, and a SAD 3rd place finish in 6th grade - lost on the word "Mediterranean" - which, as you can see, I still can't spell at 31.)
Now you can all see why we didn't get any ass in our middle school (and high school) years. We were too busy with these literary masterpIEces. ("I" before "E", except after "C")
Now fly up in the air, like I like! Hang on chandelier! Now swing--swing around! Awesome.
You know, you could probably animate this and get on Adult Swim or maybe even PAX.
The sad thing is that I would thoroughly enjoy spending a few hours doing the same thing today.
Jack, I don't know why you would want to make any alterations to K-PAX. And anyway, it's been a finished product for years.
Although Chris, you might be able to work this into an easter egg on the Blu-Ray version...
Isn't there some "watch" list that you would be put on today for this kind of "art?"
Rick: If you mean the list of people who "challenge notions," then you're right. We're already on that list. I've been blowing minds wide open since the '80s.
If you're talking about some other list, I'd like to know a little more. I want this site to be watched.
Jack: We're in negotiations with We and Lifetime. We plan to do an animated remake, only in the style of a Danielle Steel novel.
Lifetime seriously needs this platform to reach out to the younger women who have yet to feel a firm "5 across the eyes" or experience an eating disorder. Plus the racial education, ninjitsu and mortuary arts would be a welcome addition to any network. I'm leaning towards PAX, however, since it is just a shortening of PAX-inos. Represent!
Judging by some old TV Guides, or maybe a dream I might have once had, I think Lifetime once used to have a pretty robust lineup of mortuary-arts-education related programming.
If that was, in fact, the case, then those were the days!
Morticia needed something after the Addams family. Drama was the next logical step.
Morticia, and actually all the Addamses, were dramedians of the highest order. Believe me when I say that when it came to dramedy, life was their palette, and the juices of life were their paints.
And Cousin Itt was the paintbrush?
Gomez Addams, when not making cameo appearances on Night Court, was the adopted father of that hobbit who played football for Notre Dame.
Dramedic paint is applied mostly with knives and scrapers--rarely is the brush employed.
I didn't realize my artwork had to the power to make people speak in tongues.
And it brought forth from them the bold statements of tomorrow's Now. Good job.
I went in and removed the comments left by the demon SPAM lords, and with it this "speaking in tongues" has been removed as well. I apologize if this affects the relevance of any comments left by actual human beings.