Okay, third installment, and this part is getting a more adult rating, so kids, get your parents' permission on this one.
I didn't write the bar scene, and was REALLY opposed to what went down because the circumstance was way overdone, but the dialogue around it didn't bother me, so I reluctantly put up no fight. The basement scene and beyond is my "work", so blame me for that stuff if you hate it.
And things are now starting to come together with the characters.
INT. CLUB LIDO - NIGHT
A musty, dank, disgusting bar. HOT waitresses but one whiff
of this place and you'll have smoke stuck in your nose for a
week.
Jesse and Brad have entered. As they stroll towards the
counter. They are stopped by a pair of BIG hands on either of
their shoulders.
BALD BULL
Fellas.
BRAD
Hey, guy.
JESSE
What's up?
BALD BULL
Hey and what's up? No, no, no. It's
more like, get ready for the last
rites for your little buddy there.
Got me on that?
JESSE
That's between you guys.
BRAD
Yeah. I don't even like video
games.
BALD BULL
Could be because you have A.D.D.
BRAD
Because I like what?
BALD BULL
Exactly.
JESSE
We'll tell him we saw you.
BALD BULL
Tell him whatever the hell you want
to. It's 'D-Day' for that little
bastard. I mean where the hell's he
get off owing me--
BRAD
We'll tell him.
JESSE
We will.
BALD BULL
What is it with all you guys?
BRAD
What?
BALD BULL
Oh, just forget it.
JESSE
Tell him what exactly?
BALD BULL
What?
BRAD
What?
BALD BULL
Oh, shut the hell up.
Ball Bull STOMPS away.
Jesse and Brad take stools at the counter.
A GIANT sign reads: Free buffalo wings. PATRONS around them
gobble up the free wings by the pound.
Brad scopes out the girl scene. Jesse grabs a few wings.
Without thinking, he SHOVES one into his mouth.
Jesse's EYES start to water. And that's exactly what he
needs: water. The wing bowl he grabbed from had a small
warning displayed: HOT!!
Jesse grabs a glass of water from off the counter. He downs
it. DRUNK MAN #1 stares at Jesse.
DRUNK MAN #1
You gotta problem, buddy? That
wasn't water.
Jesse looks at the glass. It's not JUST water, but water with
cigarettes with water. Jesse chucks the cup to the floor.
JESSE
That's fucking disgusting!
A PLUMP GIRL turns by Brad and Jesse.
BRAD
She wasn't that bad. She might've
had a little meat on her, but hey,
works for me.
Jesse grabs some bleu cheese dressing off the bar.
DRUNK MAN #1
Yeah, drink it boy!
(beat)
Chug, chug, chug!
Jesse downs 1/2 a cup of bleu cheese.
DRUNK MAN #1 (cont'd)
You's a crazy son of a bitch. I'd
like to party with you.
JESSE
(catches his breath)
Thanks.
DRUNK MAN #1
What'd you have?
JESSE
I'm all set for now.
DRUNK MAN #1
Nobody passes up a drink from me,
c'mon.
JESSE
Okay. You've twisted my arm. I'll
have a mellonball.
DRUNK MAN #1
A mellonball? What kind of pussy
drink is that?
BRAD
(sees what's going on)
Get a beer.
DRUNK MAN #1
Yeah! A beer.
JESSE
All right, a beer. Your choice.
DRUNK MAN #1
My choice? I'll getcha a 'devil
dog.'
JESSE
What the hell is that?
BRAD
It's like import shit.
JESSE
Import shit? I've never heard of
'devil dog.'
DRUNK MAN #1
Trust me.
(to the Bartender)
Get me another.
Drunk Man #1 raises his bottle of 'Devil Dog.'
Jesse rummages through the counter top. He grabs a bowl of
wings.
BRAD
You haven't learned yet?
JESSE
These are mild.
Drunk Man #1 hands a bottle of 'Devil Dog' over to Jesse.
DRUNK MAN #1
Here ya go, son.
JESSE
Thanks.
Brad and Drunk Man #1 watch Jesse take his FIRST sip. Jesse
grimaces.
DRUNK MAN #1
That's good shit, huh?
JESSE
Not bad, not bad.
BRAD
That stuff is strong.
JESSE
It ain't that tough.
DRUNK MAN #1
Sip again. To the Ukraine!
(raises his bottle)
This beer goes out to all the
little sons-a-bitches.
Jesse shoots Brad a look. Brad shrugs. Jesse slowly brings
the bottle to his mouth and sips. The STRONG beer contorts
Jesse's face in many different directions.
Jesse puts the bottle down and starts eating the mild buffalo
wings.
BRAD
(taps the Drunk Man)
Buy me a drink, pops?
DRUNK MAN #1
You crazy? I only buy 1 a night for
a cherry. You ain't no cherry, are
ya?
BRAD
Me? Nope. I've popped quite a few,
but I'm not one.
DRUNK MAN #1
You're friend here sure looks like
he's never seen a snatch before,
huh?
BRAD
You got it, tough guy.
Jesse ignores the discussion and chows down. A HAND covers
his EYES.
FEMALE VOICE
Guess who?
JESSE
(with food in his mouth)
Mom?
CLARISSA
No, silly. It's me.
CLARISSA, mid 20's, cute, hangs on Jesse as he eats.
CLARISSA (cont'd)
What brings you here?
JESSE
The food.
CLARISSA
Isn't that free?
JESSE
Yeah, that's why.
CLARISSA
I thought you had a job.
JESSE
I do.
CLARISSA
Then what's the problem?
JESSE
Anything free is good.
CLARISSA
Not always.
JESSE
Usually.
CLARISSA
Free samples at the mall are good.
JESSE
Free food is better.
CLARISSA
There was no free gas in the mid
70's.
JESSE
What?
CLARISSA
Remember the gas crisis?
JESSE
Not really.
CLARISSA
How about--
DRUNK MAN #1
Another drink. Who's in? Cherry
boy, you want another--
(notices Clarissa)
Hey, Cherry Boy! Gonna get some
action or what?
(to Brad)
Looks like Cherry Boy is gonna pop
it.
BRAD
Sooner or later.
DRUNK MAN #1
Not like us. We're like old seamen.
BRAD
What's that? You like semen?
DRUNK MAN #1
You got it!
BRAD
Back at ya pops!
They CLANG their bottles together.
Brad spies a SKANK as she passes by him. Wearing a halter top
and looking so-so, but having GIANT breasts, Brad leaves the
drunk and heads for the mountains.
Drunk Man #1 puts his head down on the bar and CLOSES his
eyes.
JESSE
Who are you here with?
CLARISSA
My sister and her friends.
JESSE
What's new?
CLARISSA
New? Hmm...let me see. Probably,
not too, too much.
(beat)
Did you ever watch 'T.J. Hooker?'
JESSE
With William Shatner?
CLARISSA
And Adrian Zmed.
JESSE
He was in 'Grease 2.'
CLAUDIA
They sang 'Cool Rider' in that.
JESSE
Isn't that like 'Smooth Criminal?'
CLARISSA
By 'ZZ Top?'
JESSE
Michael Jackson.
CLARISSA
He molests kids.
JESSE
'T.J. Hooker?'
CLARISSA
No, Michael Jackson.
JESSE
(to himself)
You gotta be kidding me.
CLARISSA
It's so unbelievable. They won't
let that go. So what if he lives in
Neverland and sings 'Billie Jean?'
Who cares, right?
JESSE
Where's the restroom?
CLARISSA
(points)
Over there somewhere.
JESSE
It's gonna be a long night.
CLARISSA
Are you okay?
JESSE
I'm not sure yet.
(beat)
This guy is nuts. I'll be right
back.
CLARISSA
Okay. I'll be here.
Across the dimly lit, bar Brad kisses the SKANK.
Jesse parades over to a door from which the following sign
hangs, 'R TRO M.'
Jesse enters the dilapidated restroom. Two feet from the door
is a toilet, no seat. He turns to lock the door but, there is
NO lock. Jesse drops his drawers and crouches down, not
allowing his exposed rear to touch the filthy, dirty toilet
bowl. Moaning in pain--
The DOOR is suddenly ajar.
JESSE
There's someone in here.
Jesse lifts his arm and presses his weight against the wall.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
C'mon guy, I gotta piss.
JESSE
In a minute.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Let's go.
JESSE
(angrily)
In a minute.
The door closes. Jesse turns to the wall. NO toilet paper.
JESSE
Oh, man.
He pulls up his pants very slowly.
EXT. CLUB LIDO - MOMENTS LATER
PARKING LOT
Jesse wanders the grounds. He holds a hand full of napkins.
He squats in between 2 vans and undoes his pants.
A BRIGHT light goes on and BLINDS him. As he shields his face
from the light, he rebuttons his pants.
A group of boys surround him. The CB group has arrived.
DARTH
What are you doing?
JESSE
There's actually a good explanation
for this. You see, I--
FRITO
Do you believe in life from outer
space?
JESSE
What?
ARMCHAIR
Who really killed JFK?
JESSE
Who cares?
DARTH
Men, please. The man needs his
space.
JESSE
There was no toilet paper inside
and the toilet.
DARTH
Please.
JESSE
Right. Look, I just need a place to
shit.
ARMCHAIR
Why didn't you say so?
JESSE
I was trying, but you guys were
more interested with who killed
JFK.
DARTH
Not all of us.
JESSE
Is everybody on drugs tonight?
FRITO
Drugs are bad. Stay in school.
JESSE
Thanks for the advice.
DARTH
I do have on question for you.
(beat)
Is beating Tyson in the first round
possible?
JESSE
In reality?
FRITO
No, in the game. Bald Bull was just
telling us that it is possible.
JESSE
As I've said before, I don't care.
(beat)
But I'll tell Ronnie James.
DARTH
According to Mr. Bull, you better.
JESSE
Can I have some privacy?
DARTH
Men.
(beat)
Saddle up. Let's give the man his
privacy.
The CB group disperses.
Jesse ducks behind the vans.
JESSE (V.O.)
Oh, shit. My napkins.
CUT TO:
INT. JESSE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
The basement contains old furniture, thin carpeting, a
refrigerator, and a worn entertainment center which features
an old, oversized television. Jesse, Brad, and Ronnie James
sit around the television.
Brad sits on a couch with Ronnie James. Brad flips through a
PORNO magazine while Ronnie James plays a game of TECMO BOWL
against Jesse, who sits across the couch on a recliner.
Brad folds the magazine in half with a curious look.
BRAD
I can gain one to three inches?
JESSE
And be the man your lover always
wanted.
BRAD
(laughs)
These pecker pumps are only forty
bucks.
JESSE
You're not gonna waste your money,
are you?
BRAD
I'm not spending forty bucks.
(beat)
Want to go halfers?
JESSE
For what?
BRAD
Ronnie James? You in?
RONNIE JAMES
My package is fine, thank you very
much.
BRAD
C'mon.
RONNIE JAMES
It ain't like that, man. In case
you haven't noticed, I'm not a very
big guy.
BRAD
What's that supposed to mean?
RONNIE JAMES
When chicks look at me, they aren't
expecting me to whip out a big
piece of meat. So, they already
know what they're going to get, you
know?
JESSE
Uh huh.
BRAD
So what?
RONNIE JAMES
So, if I'm getting that far, I've
already sealed the deal, without
spending forty bucks on something I
don't need.
BRAD
Yeah, but this will only be twenty
bucks.
Silence.
RONNIE JAMES
All right, you twisted my arm. I'm
in.
JESSE
You guys are crazy.
RONNIE JAMES
Crazy like a fox.
The guys share a good chuckle.
A door OPENS at the top of the stairs. Claudia walks into the
basement.
The guys ignore her entrance. Claudia walks over next to
Jesse, who has yet to acknowledge her appearance.
CLAUDIA
What are you losers doing?
BRAD
Shopping for your wedding gift.
Jesse laughs.
RONNIE JAMES
Hey, I still didn't get my invite.
CLAUDIA
If it was up to me, you wouldn't.
Claudia smacks Jesse in the back of his head.
CLAUDIA (cont'd)
But Mom and Dad are making me
invite your friends.
BRAD
That's what I'm sayin'.
RONNIE JAMES
Sweet, I get to bust out my suit.
CLAUDIA
Count your blessings, guys. I
could have said no, but
everything's been going okay with
the wedding plans, so I didn't need
any headaches from Jesse.
JESSE
I'm staying out of your hair, isn't
that enough?
CLAUDIA
Don't embarrass me, okay?
RONNIE JAMES
Wasn't planning on it.
BRAD
We're going to the reception, too,
right?
CLAUDIA
I'm putting you two in the back.
Out of sight.
BRAD
With the rest of the cool people.
CLAUDIA
And I'm not dancing with Ronnie
James, got it?
Ronnie James ignores the comment.
JESSE
Is that it?
CLAUDIA
No. We're all going out to check on
the reception hall, but I came down
here to remind you that you still
have to take Marco out.
JESSE
I know! We'll take his sorry ass
out tomorrow night, okay?
MOM (O.S.)
Claudia? Let's go!
CLAUDIA
Coming!
CLAUDIA
Be nice to him, or else!
JESSE
Whatever. Go away.
Claudia smacks Jesse in the head again, and walks back up the
stairs.
The guys resume doing what they have been doing all along:
not much.
The SOUND of the front door shutting from upstairs.
The phone RINGS. And RINGS. And RINGS.
The guys don't pay attention as they are still involved with
the video game and magazine. Brad tears out a square piece
from one of its pages. Jesse stands up and lets out a
bothersome sigh.
He walks to a wall phone and answers it.
JESSE
Hello?
(beat)
She's not here, can I take a
message?
(beat)
Hold on.
Jesse pulls the phone away from his face, turns to face Brad.
JESSE (cont'd)
Brad, write this down.
Brad grabs a pencil and paper off the coffee table. He looks
at Jesse.
JESSE (cont'd)
The "Sounds of the Sixties" band
has to cancel. Visa problems? Ah,
okay.
(beat)
They're going to replace that band
with another? What are our choices?
(beat)
Either "Samson's Sounds of the
Seventies" or a "Commodores" cover
band? How close does the cover band
look like "The Commodores?"
(beat)
That's cool. Just like Lionel
Ritchie? Like him now, or back
then?
(beat)
Even better. We'll go with them.
And don't be afraid to sing
"Hello," a few extra times.
(beat)
Just send those guys to the same
address, same time. And don't worry
about stuff on our end. I'll
explain everything here. Just send
me "The Commodores."
(beat)
Great. Thanks a lot.
Jesse hangs up the phone with a smile. He returns to his
recliner and picks up his controller.
RONNIE JAMES
So?
JESSE
Looks like we got us a happening
band for the reception.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRANCO'S ICE CREAM - EVENING
Brad and Jesse, wearing their soda jerk's costumes, are
leaning up against Darth's truck.
Armchair stands outside of the truck in between Brad and
Jesse. Darth sits behind the wheel of the truck, staring
straight ahead.
ARMCHAIR
We don't usually let outsiders on
our turf.
JESSE
I know, but we're in a bind, here.
ARMCHAIR
So, what's in it for us?
Brad and Jesse look at each other, searching for an answer.
JESSE
What about if we let you watch?
Armchair stares at Darth. Darth lightly nods.
ARMCHAIR
Then it's a done deal.
JESSE
(sighs)
Cool. Ronnie James will be in
touch.
ARMCHAIR
All right, we'll talk to your man.
Jesse and Armchair shake hands.
Darth turns on the truck, revving the engine loudly. Armchair
slowly lumbers around the truck, getting in and sitting
shotgun. Darth pulls out slowly. Brad and Jesse turn and walk
towards the parlor.
BRAD
Those guys are fucking strange.
JESSE
Yeah, but that's why I want them.
INT. FRANCO'S ICE CREAM
The parlor is filled with customers, all in a riotous mood.
When they see Brad and Jesse enter the parlor, they get more
animated and move about with more energy, yelling and shaking
their fists at them.
Besides the final scenes, I felt the bar scene and the one with Jesse and the guys felt a bit extraneous. Especially the bar scene. You introduce another two new characters, but I didn’t learn anything new about Jesse. I really wanted to know more about Clarissa and her relationship with Jesse. The Drunk Guy is funny, but it seemed to go nowhere. Maybe have Jesse react more to what the Drunk Guy is saying and how that influences Jesse’s reaction when Clarissa shows up. The toilet humor would be even funnier and awkward if someone caught him that really mattered like Clarissa then the CB guys add a punchline or something.
The scene in the basement is better. I love Ronnie James. However, it seems a bit too long for what it accomplishes. The end part with the band was nice. Funny and sets up tension with the potential of Jesse messing up the wedding. This leads nicely into the next scene. Might think about weaving more of that tension into the scene. Maybe pump up the conflict between Brad/Ronnie and Jesse’s sister. When she leaves, she should be dreading their presence at the wedding.